"Don't appreciate the things I do, appreciate me for the person I am"

This quote from our friend Darcie struck a real chord with me this week. You may have recognized that we have been struggling with our place in the Church that we helped to launch just over two years ago. So, I made the decision earlier in the week that it is time that our family leaves Lifepointe Church. No need to worry about us, we will go on to seek other pastures (not necessarily 'greener').

The issues that caused me to make this decision have been building for a while. You might say that Lifepointe Church is in its terrible twos and experiencing growing pains. It finally came to a head for me on Sunday at a "leadership" meeting. Many of the people who have volunteered and given more time and money and energy to see Lifepointe succeed felt that they were equal partners in the effort. It was made clear to us that is not the case. I was angered by the implication that I existed at Lifepointe only to serve the Pastor. (Apparently the three people who made this implication thought I went "postal" over this point. Angry yes, postal no!)

As my wife and I spoke with others about the decision to leave (some of whom had already left out of frustration and disappointment), Darcie spoke about how she experienced something similar before. A Pastor at another Church had approached her and stated that he appreciated what she did for the Church. Darcie told the Pastor that she "did not want him to appreciate the things she did, she wanted him to appreciate her...". Thus the title of this entry. Too often as volunteers and followers we are seen as "employees" and not "partners" or "community members". This was particularly evident this week for me.

I think that this has been a common thread throughout our time at Lifepointe. Many, including me, felt that going to Church on Sunday was a 'job'. I really have not gotten anything new or challenging or enlightening out of the sermons in two years. I accepted Christ because I had a "God shaped hole in my life" (as Pastor Roger Pryor of Heartland Community Church puts it). I needed and still need the bigger picture understanding of my existence. Will Christianity provide all of that for me? No, but it will for many. I am a much more complicated and deep person that needs to meld his solutions for life from many sources.

I think there is often a vast disconnect and misunderstanding between people as to what each of us needs or wants out of life. The easy path is to assume (and you know what happens when you do that--ass-u-me) that we all want or need the same things. I think marketers and businesses make this mistake all the time. They assume we are some mass of consumers who will eat up whatever they shove down our throats simply because they provided it to us. They are guilty of another piece of wisdom--"Tell me want you want and I will tell you what you need". This is what I felt like at Lifepointe Church. That I was being force fed concepts and ideas that were making me (and others) gag and choke.

The reality for me is that I do not like to be force fed. I am an intelligent person who thinks deeply and critically about things before accepting them. It is why it took me so long to go back to church in the first place. I began to see Church as a place to start getting answers to questions I had about how to make things better or my family. As I attended I also got answers to questions I had about how to put my own soul and personality at peace.

But the answers did not all come from the Bible or the sermons. As much or more came from the people I encountered (especially in the Men's group and the Couple's group to which we belonged). These were people who "appreciated me for the person I am", not just for the fact that I volunteered and served in the Church. Or because I had memorized chapter and verse from scripture. We met and made friends with lots of people at Lifepointe that also filled that role. They appreciated me for the person I am and as a friend. But in the end as a person who served and volunteered I did not I feel that same level of appreciation and commraderie.

I think we all need to look beyond what each of us can do, what we can contribute, what we can give or donate. We need to look at each other as "people" who have wants and needs and desires and dreams that we want to fulfill. And each of those things are going to be unique to each of us no matter how much someone thinks that one way of doing things will fulfill all needs and desires.

I wish those who are staying at Lifepointe the best of luck in their endeavor. I will go on as I always have and the time spent at Lifepointe will be a part of my being and character. However, for now my soul is wrent and hurting and only time will heal this wound.

“Leaders are people who do the right thing; managers are people who do things right.”

This is a good quote. And it got me thinking about the role of leadership versus the role of management. I had a bit of an epiphany when I equated in my mind these things:

• Leadership=accountability=ownership=the throat to choke
• Management=responsibility=doing=get 'er done

I like to tell people that they call them "managers" because they just manage to get by...Leaders should the first out of the trench and the last on back into to the next trench. They MUST lead by example. Their followers have elevated them to the status of leaders exactly because they seek an example to follow. You cannot appoint someone to be a leader:

"The person at the head of the room is not always the leader; it is the
person that everyone turns to when they begin to speak..."--Charles Schwab

If I am going to follow someone I want them to be a leader. I am smart enough and experienced enough and can think on my feet enough to manage myself. But sometimes I just want an example (a mentor) to follow. Someone who can take me to new heights and new challenges. I know the skills to climb the mountain. But I do not always know the best route to follow. That is where a leader comes in.

Managers can take you to the top of the mountain; leaders will get you safely back down the other side...