Possibilities versus Limitations

"Some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not." --Robert Kennedy

Do you see the world as a field of limitless possibilities or one of limitations and barriers? This question came to mind recently. 

I made a decision to go down the path of becoming an independent consultant and starting my own LLC (Limited Liability Company). I had hesitated to do this because of many of the unknowns, uncertainties and potential instabilities associated with owning and running a small business. But an opportunity to do some contract work came along and I felt the push to grab the work in this time of COVID. I took the leap of faith and went through the process of filing paperwork, opening bank accounts, etc. One factor was the reality that we already have the Revivify Arts business and have done the leap of faith before. Now we are untethered from the employment cycle, which itself brings risk, uncertainty and fear. And for many that can be scary.

As I pondered this direction--and now that I have made the decision--I am now once again seeing the world as one of possibilities. The decision to go independent is a test not only to see if I can make this succeed, but also to see if I have the fortitude and open-mindedness to make it work. I have taken the safe road too often in my life. That road has too often led to difficulties with bosses, companies, and philosophies of limitation. Too often butting heads with "that is the way things have always been done" mind-sets. Too often fighting traditions that no one recalls why they did it in the first place. Thanks to my wife I have realized that is not me. I am a futurist and optimist. I am an explorer and discoverer and seeker of knowledge and understanding. And perhaps for too long I have not let that part of me shine through.

Through my beautiful and unique partner, I have come to see that life is both a journey of discovery and an adventure or exploration. Our Revivify Arts motto last year was "Go Big or Go Home". This year we have adopted "Huzzah!!". Both speak to the endless space and possibilities in front of us. Has the journey been easy? Not at all. But that is part of what made the adventure fun and interesting.  

I am beginning to think, feel and believe we are all called upon to be bold and shout huzzah to the world. Is that a place of comfort and ease? Certainly not. Will this "road less traveled..." be a proverbial "walk in the park..."? No it will not. Will it bring excitement and some fear, stress, and worry? It will. Is that a bad thing? Well that is yet to be seen. The only way to know is to travel the path and be as best prepared as I can for what might lie ahead...

Leap of Faith

I took a leap of faith. I was approached to take on some contract work for a couple of months. It comes with a potential for full-time work or other contract work following this project. Given the current situation ("shelter-in-place") and the uncertainties that come with that, I decided to take the work. There is no guarantee for post-project work. But at the moment getting back to work, being the bread winner again and ensuring some stability in this crazy time is important to me.

I have not done this kind of "self-employed" or "contractor" work for over twenty years. The times and the rules around it have both changed. In some ways it feels safer. I have created a "limited liability company (LLC)" to handle to income and other items. This option was not available twenty years ago. There were not even these basic types of options or protections for "independent contractors". Back then it was a way for a company to use and abuse you without having to hire you or give you benefits. And for us it led to a number of tax issues. I was young and naive when it came to finances. I still am naive in many ways about taxes and finances. It is a subject for which I have no interest. But I do know today things are better for "contractors". We will still have to deal with our own taxes (quarterly per the government). But with modern software it is much easier, even if it is still painful.

The other side of the coin is that this new path is somewhat scary and fearful. I have been an "employee" for so long I am neither fully comfortable nor accustomed yet to working for myself. Fortunately my brave and supportive wife is my co-pilot, navigator, snack queen and music director on this crazy adventure we call life. She is always there in these times and I am eternally grateful for her. I know this is scary and fearful for her as well, but she tries not to show that for my sake.

Will this turn out to be the path to the future? Doing contract work and being my "own man"? Perhaps. I do not know, but my hope is that this will be successful and lead to great things. I am trying to listen and be confident that this is the path the Lord has laid out for us. 

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...Turn and face the strange...Ch-ch-changes

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

Ch-ch-changes

-David Bowie (1971)

Thus goes the opening lines of the chorus of David Bowie's "Changes" (1971). I feel a small connection to Bowie due to the fact that we share a birthday. But more importantly, I feel connected to Bowie and this song because of its subject matter--change. One thing about Bowie was he was masterful at re-inventing himself (changing). At this moment in the world, acceptance of and embracing change is not only important, it is literally a survival technique.

What do we know about change and humans? Well we know that change is the only constant in the universe. We also know that people do not "fear" change (mostly a myth). What people fear is the unknown and the surprise factor that often comes with change. People are apprehensive and uncomfortable with change, which is different than fearing it. I have always said I believe people are like water and electricity--we seek the path of "least resistance". People like positions of "comfort" and "familiarity" and seek those out above the unknown or unfamiliar. Change often times presents paths of "more resistance"--less known, less familiar and less "comfortable".

Currently this path of "more resistance" (aka change) is smacking most of the human population square in the face. What we had all known as "normal" or "status quo" or "everyday" life is no longer the case. And when we emerge from this "quarantine", we will face a changed reality. The past will go and a new and changed reality will face us. 

What will this new reality look like? No one really knows (again the unknown factor that causes so much stress). Being both a historian and futurist by nature, I look at the broad sweep of things (this is called the Annales School of Historical Thought). Imagine standing on a hill overlooking a river. I watch where the river has been and where it is going. The river we now ride will take some unexpected turns, just as it has recently taken over a major set of rapids and waterfalls. The river we knew is in the past. We can only look forward and "turn to face the strange changes" as Bowie so elegantly states. 

I see people wanting to go "back to the way things were... ." The truth is that is not going to happen. We cannot turn back the river, nor time. We cannot undo the current situation. We can only analyze, understand and learn from it. That is why I love history. Our past informs our future. Try not to dwell on the past and what we have "lost". Think of this period as one of "metamorphosis"--we are caterpillars turning into butterflies. A more beautiful and freeing life potentially awaits if we let it. 

We will still have choices. We can embrace the changes presented to us ala Bowie or we can fight the changes and cause ourselves more angst and grief and stress. Personally I am trying to embrace change and see the positives and the "new" it can bring. Am I afraid? Not fearful, but certainly apprehensive as is expected and normal for people. I cannot say exactly what the "new future" holds. But my apprehension and desire to know the exact future will not hold me back from "turning to face the strange changes."

In the service of others...

Part of why I decided to bring this blog back to life was based on a request from my wife. She saw that I was getting discouraged and down at times while I conducted my current job search. She wanted me to see the good in things and the positives. She is wonderful at serving and encouraging others.

Over the weekend we made a quick trip down to our son's house. (Yes, I know the whole stay-at-home thing and social distancing). Following a storm a week ago a large part of the tree in their front yard had fallen down. It was one of the trunks of a multi-trunk maple. People who know me, know I am addicted to collecting wood for my woodworking. So we went down to collect a truck load. (Unfortunately there was no way for me to take the whole tree!)

While there we spent a few minutes (at safe social distances) conversing with my son and daughter-in-law. And it was here that I realized how great it is to have people who are willing to serve others. My wife had expressed that she is feeling like she has no place to "serve" at the moment (church, a local Bible Foundation, others). And while we spoke our daughter-in-law stated the same sorrow. Her passion is rescue dogs and the shelters that love and care for them. They have two Husky mixes that serve as our "grand-puppies" both of whom came from the shelter where our daughter-in-law volunteered then worked. But now, like my wife, those places are closed to serving and volunteers.

So part of my gratitude is for those who are serving. Whether it be those folks battling the virus (doctors, nurses, healthcare workers), keeping society going (grocery, restaurant, postal workers, and all the rest) and even our daughter who is a Funeral Director in Wisconsin (often forgotten about in the list of "necessary" people).

But my gratitude is also for those who regularly serve (when society is not in the midst of chaos). Those folks who take time out of their lives to give back. Not because there is money or fame or reward, but because it needs to be done. And they love it. It fills their hearts and souls to serve others. It gives them a greater sense of purpose and belonging.

I have experienced the importance of serving others in my own life by watching and learning from my wife. She has one of the biggest "servant hearts" around. She taught me how important and fulfilling it is to serve others. She taught me "service" does not come with strings or conditions. It is an act we do to please the higher powers we believe in and to bring joy and happiness to others. It is one of the selfless ways all humans should act. And we need that more than ever at the moment.

So to my wife, my daughter-in-law and all others that serve and give of themselves I am eternally grateful.

Renaissance Man

Finding a new job is hard. In a time of change, uncertainty, fear and even panic job hunting is very hard. I certainly had to adjust my expectations around the job hunt. No one is knocking down my door to hire me (how is that even not a possibility? LOL). I have had contacts and reach outs for which I am very grateful and appreciative. And I have been applying for jobs through online sources at the rate of about one per 2-3 days. But the reality at this moment is that companies are not just hiring. I understand given the current situation. I have worked to keep my hopes and outlook positive that decent employment is out there for me. My wife has helped tremendously, but even she is feeling the stress and enormity of the current world.

I had several interviews, some of which went well and others just okay. A hopeful opportunity did not progress because the interviewer and I did not "click". It felt like he was looking for someone to guess the answers in his head. He would ask a question, I would answer and then he would tell me the answer he was looking to hear. Pretty much a "no win" situation. I have the chops to do about anything I try. I am a Renaissance Man. But I am not good at mind-reading (no one is). That part of job hunting is the frustrating part. You have maybe 30 minutes to prove to a complete stranger how "perfect" you are for some deeply embedded ideal they have of the person they seek.

Back to the Renaissance Man thing. I have always thought of myself as a polymorph. I am "comb shaped" (very good at a lot of things--like fingers on a comb). Someone once said "Mike knows things... ." It is strange how things work. Before all the chaos of COVID-19, my wife took me to museum to see a travelling Leonardo da Vinci exhibit. He is one of my idols and historic favorites (along with Mr Einstein). He personifies the definition of "Renaissance Man". The way he thought and saw things. The way he explored and questioned and then learned. Da Vinci was never satisfied with what he already knew. He wanted more. I see myself in that same mode. And now we are binging on the "The Tudors" about Henry VIII and his wives (set at the beginning of the English Renaissance).

So when it comes to finding a new job, I find myself challenged and not a bit frustrated. Why do people not give me a chance? I can do the posted jobs if someone were to just take the small risk. I know some people see it as a big risk hiring an unknown or someone who does not fit their preconceived notions perfectly. But I see also (and have personally experienced) that people do not see it as a big risk to unload or terminate someone for whatever reasons.

The world is "upside down" right now (see my previous post), so I need to hope and believe that someone will take the risk and bring me on once things have steadied. I need to continue to be grateful and count my blessings for the things I have. Faith is important, especially at the moment. We all need faith, even a "polymorph" like me.

"The World Turned Upside Down"

Well, it has been a long time since I posted on this blog. But it is time to start up again.

It is now April of 2020. The world is in the midst of what is arguably the most impactful situation in decades if not centuries. COVID-19 (aka Coronavirus) has come to roost. But I do not want to make this about the virus. Rather I want (and really need) to express what is going on in my head, my heart and my soul because of COVID-19 and other recent events.

I have been without a job since Valentine's Day 2020. It resulted from some conflict between myself and my former manager. He did not like others questioning or challenging him. Regardless, it is what it is. I have been on the hunt for several weeks. There have been good days (for which I am thankful) and tough days. Today was kind of a tough day. I had an interview the other day that went okay, but not a home run. Found out at lunchtime that it is a no go. I knew that would be the outcome (my head) but it still hit me hard (my heart and soul). I fell into kind of a funk.

Fortunately I have with me my best friend and love of my life--my wife. She gave me hugs and said "It will be okay." She is my biggest fan and personal cheerleader. She believes in me like no one else. She sees in me what others do not. She is my rock. She is me and I am her. I am eternally grateful to the Lord for having her in my life.

It is hard to have a sense of being the "provider" and not being able to complete that role. I am worried and anxious and even scared. When I lost my job I thought, "I will have a new job in no time." Well 'no-time' has turned into six weeks and counting. I have some contacts and even some interviews (again grateful for those). I am keeping busy (woodworking, an online class, re-learning role playing games, etc). But my situation still weighs heavy at times. Like today.

The job hunt is made even harder by the ever changing situation in the world. The "normal" that pervaded for so long has gone topsy-turvey. Quarantine, businesses closed, huge unemployment, sickness, death are all quick becoming the new "norm". I am reminded of a point in the musical "Hamilton" (being the history nerd that I am). The singers mention an old British drinking song--"The World Turned Upside Down"--sung by British soldiers at the end of the Battle of Yorktown (1781). The opening stanza:

Listen to me and you shall hear, news hath not been this thousand year:

Since Herod, Caesar, and many more, you never heard the like before.

Holy-dayes are despis'd, new fashions are devis'd.

Old Christmas is kickt out of Town.

Yet let's be content, and the times lament, you see the world turn'd upside down.

British Soldiers Surrendering at Yorktown

Like the subtle suggestion in the song, the day turned out okay in the end despite the changing world. We went for a walk and got some fresh air. We have been open and honest with each other and talking about the current situation. I am sure a lot conversations these days are about recent events.

My wife and I spoke while having coffee this am. What will the future hold? I am not sure but I know the past will not be the future for "you see the world turn'd upside down."

Who are you?

Have you ever thought about who you are? I mean really, really thought deeply about who you are? Well I have. One thing I realize is that my character is a collection of beliefs, assumptions, norms, actions, ways, means, habits, foibles, follies, fantasies, frustrations, morals, ethics, behaviors and any number of other hangups, hopes, dreams, and desires. I am a husband, father, son, brother, historian, philosopher, thinker, believer, friend, helper, judge, entertainer, worker, creator, questioner and myriads of other hats that I wear (real or imagined).

However, I also realize that these things are me not because of only me but because of others as well. Who I am (and who you are) is a product of how others have shaped, molded, driven, guided and pushed me. It is also how I reacted or accepted or rejected the influence of others. But a huge part of who I am exists because of people in my life, those I encounter, and even those to whom I read or watch or listen. It is why this on again, off again online journal (and the several others I keep offline) is devoted to and about the wisdom, knowledge, information and data of others. We not learn from others, but we are what others have made us.

A thought that has nagged at me lately is how stuck in the past we all can become and how we can all live our lives based on outdated and outmoded assumptions. This sounds odd from someone who LOVES all things history. What I mean is that I continue to encounter people who not only enjoy the past, but they live in it. They will not see the past for what it should be: lessons for the present and future. I encounter this a lot in my work and among business people. Those who continue to believe that we must continue to see the world and operate as if it were 1776.

So have you ever questioned yourself? Why you think and act and believe the way that you do? Is it because of you or because you have learned from someone else? Do accept everything everyone tells you because they tell it to you? Or do you think about, mull it over, ponder it? Does it fit both with who you are and who you want to be?

I find myself caught in a trap at times. I want to BE something, but I only play at it. I strive not just to play at a role, but to BE that role. It is hard and I make mistakes (as we all do). As a result I think we all need to try to follow a simple process more faithfully:

THINK--BE--DO

It bothers me that there is still so much desire for wealth, power and control in the world. So much fear, anger, hatred and injustice. Yes, I am only one person. But if I make an effort to change the world, and so does everyone else individually, then the total becomes greater than the sum of the parts. If we want a better world for us and future generations, then we must make it better and not just hope or assume that the "thinking that got us into this mess is the same thinking that will get us out of it"--Albert Einstein.