Leap of Faith

I took a leap of faith. I was approached to take on some contract work for a couple of months. It comes with a potential for full-time work or other contract work following this project. Given the current situation ("shelter-in-place") and the uncertainties that come with that, I decided to take the work. There is no guarantee for post-project work. But at the moment getting back to work, being the bread winner again and ensuring some stability in this crazy time is important to me.

I have not done this kind of "self-employed" or "contractor" work for over twenty years. The times and the rules around it have both changed. In some ways it feels safer. I have created a "limited liability company (LLC)" to handle to income and other items. This option was not available twenty years ago. There were not even these basic types of options or protections for "independent contractors". Back then it was a way for a company to use and abuse you without having to hire you or give you benefits. And for us it led to a number of tax issues. I was young and naive when it came to finances. I still am naive in many ways about taxes and finances. It is a subject for which I have no interest. But I do know today things are better for "contractors". We will still have to deal with our own taxes (quarterly per the government). But with modern software it is much easier, even if it is still painful.

The other side of the coin is that this new path is somewhat scary and fearful. I have been an "employee" for so long I am neither fully comfortable nor accustomed yet to working for myself. Fortunately my brave and supportive wife is my co-pilot, navigator, snack queen and music director on this crazy adventure we call life. She is always there in these times and I am eternally grateful for her. I know this is scary and fearful for her as well, but she tries not to show that for my sake.

Will this turn out to be the path to the future? Doing contract work and being my "own man"? Perhaps. I do not know, but my hope is that this will be successful and lead to great things. I am trying to listen and be confident that this is the path the Lord has laid out for us. 

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...Turn and face the strange...Ch-ch-changes

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

Ch-ch-changes

-David Bowie (1971)

Thus goes the opening lines of the chorus of David Bowie's "Changes" (1971). I feel a small connection to Bowie due to the fact that we share a birthday. But more importantly, I feel connected to Bowie and this song because of its subject matter--change. One thing about Bowie was he was masterful at re-inventing himself (changing). At this moment in the world, acceptance of and embracing change is not only important, it is literally a survival technique.

What do we know about change and humans? Well we know that change is the only constant in the universe. We also know that people do not "fear" change (mostly a myth). What people fear is the unknown and the surprise factor that often comes with change. People are apprehensive and uncomfortable with change, which is different than fearing it. I have always said I believe people are like water and electricity--we seek the path of "least resistance". People like positions of "comfort" and "familiarity" and seek those out above the unknown or unfamiliar. Change often times presents paths of "more resistance"--less known, less familiar and less "comfortable".

Currently this path of "more resistance" (aka change) is smacking most of the human population square in the face. What we had all known as "normal" or "status quo" or "everyday" life is no longer the case. And when we emerge from this "quarantine", we will face a changed reality. The past will go and a new and changed reality will face us. 

What will this new reality look like? No one really knows (again the unknown factor that causes so much stress). Being both a historian and futurist by nature, I look at the broad sweep of things (this is called the Annales School of Historical Thought). Imagine standing on a hill overlooking a river. I watch where the river has been and where it is going. The river we now ride will take some unexpected turns, just as it has recently taken over a major set of rapids and waterfalls. The river we knew is in the past. We can only look forward and "turn to face the strange changes" as Bowie so elegantly states. 

I see people wanting to go "back to the way things were... ." The truth is that is not going to happen. We cannot turn back the river, nor time. We cannot undo the current situation. We can only analyze, understand and learn from it. That is why I love history. Our past informs our future. Try not to dwell on the past and what we have "lost". Think of this period as one of "metamorphosis"--we are caterpillars turning into butterflies. A more beautiful and freeing life potentially awaits if we let it. 

We will still have choices. We can embrace the changes presented to us ala Bowie or we can fight the changes and cause ourselves more angst and grief and stress. Personally I am trying to embrace change and see the positives and the "new" it can bring. Am I afraid? Not fearful, but certainly apprehensive as is expected and normal for people. I cannot say exactly what the "new future" holds. But my apprehension and desire to know the exact future will not hold me back from "turning to face the strange changes."

In the service of others...

Part of why I decided to bring this blog back to life was based on a request from my wife. She saw that I was getting discouraged and down at times while I conducted my current job search. She wanted me to see the good in things and the positives. She is wonderful at serving and encouraging others.

Over the weekend we made a quick trip down to our son's house. (Yes, I know the whole stay-at-home thing and social distancing). Following a storm a week ago a large part of the tree in their front yard had fallen down. It was one of the trunks of a multi-trunk maple. People who know me, know I am addicted to collecting wood for my woodworking. So we went down to collect a truck load. (Unfortunately there was no way for me to take the whole tree!)

While there we spent a few minutes (at safe social distances) conversing with my son and daughter-in-law. And it was here that I realized how great it is to have people who are willing to serve others. My wife had expressed that she is feeling like she has no place to "serve" at the moment (church, a local Bible Foundation, others). And while we spoke our daughter-in-law stated the same sorrow. Her passion is rescue dogs and the shelters that love and care for them. They have two Husky mixes that serve as our "grand-puppies" both of whom came from the shelter where our daughter-in-law volunteered then worked. But now, like my wife, those places are closed to serving and volunteers.

So part of my gratitude is for those who are serving. Whether it be those folks battling the virus (doctors, nurses, healthcare workers), keeping society going (grocery, restaurant, postal workers, and all the rest) and even our daughter who is a Funeral Director in Wisconsin (often forgotten about in the list of "necessary" people).

But my gratitude is also for those who regularly serve (when society is not in the midst of chaos). Those folks who take time out of their lives to give back. Not because there is money or fame or reward, but because it needs to be done. And they love it. It fills their hearts and souls to serve others. It gives them a greater sense of purpose and belonging.

I have experienced the importance of serving others in my own life by watching and learning from my wife. She has one of the biggest "servant hearts" around. She taught me how important and fulfilling it is to serve others. She taught me "service" does not come with strings or conditions. It is an act we do to please the higher powers we believe in and to bring joy and happiness to others. It is one of the selfless ways all humans should act. And we need that more than ever at the moment.

So to my wife, my daughter-in-law and all others that serve and give of themselves I am eternally grateful.

Renaissance Man

Finding a new job is hard. In a time of change, uncertainty, fear and even panic job hunting is very hard. I certainly had to adjust my expectations around the job hunt. No one is knocking down my door to hire me (how is that even not a possibility? LOL). I have had contacts and reach outs for which I am very grateful and appreciative. And I have been applying for jobs through online sources at the rate of about one per 2-3 days. But the reality at this moment is that companies are not just hiring. I understand given the current situation. I have worked to keep my hopes and outlook positive that decent employment is out there for me. My wife has helped tremendously, but even she is feeling the stress and enormity of the current world.

I had several interviews, some of which went well and others just okay. A hopeful opportunity did not progress because the interviewer and I did not "click". It felt like he was looking for someone to guess the answers in his head. He would ask a question, I would answer and then he would tell me the answer he was looking to hear. Pretty much a "no win" situation. I have the chops to do about anything I try. I am a Renaissance Man. But I am not good at mind-reading (no one is). That part of job hunting is the frustrating part. You have maybe 30 minutes to prove to a complete stranger how "perfect" you are for some deeply embedded ideal they have of the person they seek.

Back to the Renaissance Man thing. I have always thought of myself as a polymorph. I am "comb shaped" (very good at a lot of things--like fingers on a comb). Someone once said "Mike knows things... ." It is strange how things work. Before all the chaos of COVID-19, my wife took me to museum to see a travelling Leonardo da Vinci exhibit. He is one of my idols and historic favorites (along with Mr Einstein). He personifies the definition of "Renaissance Man". The way he thought and saw things. The way he explored and questioned and then learned. Da Vinci was never satisfied with what he already knew. He wanted more. I see myself in that same mode. And now we are binging on the "The Tudors" about Henry VIII and his wives (set at the beginning of the English Renaissance).

So when it comes to finding a new job, I find myself challenged and not a bit frustrated. Why do people not give me a chance? I can do the posted jobs if someone were to just take the small risk. I know some people see it as a big risk hiring an unknown or someone who does not fit their preconceived notions perfectly. But I see also (and have personally experienced) that people do not see it as a big risk to unload or terminate someone for whatever reasons.

The world is "upside down" right now (see my previous post), so I need to hope and believe that someone will take the risk and bring me on once things have steadied. I need to continue to be grateful and count my blessings for the things I have. Faith is important, especially at the moment. We all need faith, even a "polymorph" like me.

"The World Turned Upside Down"

Well, it has been a long time since I posted on this blog. But it is time to start up again.

It is now April of 2020. The world is in the midst of what is arguably the most impactful situation in decades if not centuries. COVID-19 (aka Coronavirus) has come to roost. But I do not want to make this about the virus. Rather I want (and really need) to express what is going on in my head, my heart and my soul because of COVID-19 and other recent events.

I have been without a job since Valentine's Day 2020. It resulted from some conflict between myself and my former manager. He did not like others questioning or challenging him. Regardless, it is what it is. I have been on the hunt for several weeks. There have been good days (for which I am thankful) and tough days. Today was kind of a tough day. I had an interview the other day that went okay, but not a home run. Found out at lunchtime that it is a no go. I knew that would be the outcome (my head) but it still hit me hard (my heart and soul). I fell into kind of a funk.

Fortunately I have with me my best friend and love of my life--my wife. She gave me hugs and said "It will be okay." She is my biggest fan and personal cheerleader. She believes in me like no one else. She sees in me what others do not. She is my rock. She is me and I am her. I am eternally grateful to the Lord for having her in my life.

It is hard to have a sense of being the "provider" and not being able to complete that role. I am worried and anxious and even scared. When I lost my job I thought, "I will have a new job in no time." Well 'no-time' has turned into six weeks and counting. I have some contacts and even some interviews (again grateful for those). I am keeping busy (woodworking, an online class, re-learning role playing games, etc). But my situation still weighs heavy at times. Like today.

The job hunt is made even harder by the ever changing situation in the world. The "normal" that pervaded for so long has gone topsy-turvey. Quarantine, businesses closed, huge unemployment, sickness, death are all quick becoming the new "norm". I am reminded of a point in the musical "Hamilton" (being the history nerd that I am). The singers mention an old British drinking song--"The World Turned Upside Down"--sung by British soldiers at the end of the Battle of Yorktown (1781). The opening stanza:

Listen to me and you shall hear, news hath not been this thousand year:

Since Herod, Caesar, and many more, you never heard the like before.

Holy-dayes are despis'd, new fashions are devis'd.

Old Christmas is kickt out of Town.

Yet let's be content, and the times lament, you see the world turn'd upside down.

British Soldiers Surrendering at Yorktown

Like the subtle suggestion in the song, the day turned out okay in the end despite the changing world. We went for a walk and got some fresh air. We have been open and honest with each other and talking about the current situation. I am sure a lot conversations these days are about recent events.

My wife and I spoke while having coffee this am. What will the future hold? I am not sure but I know the past will not be the future for "you see the world turn'd upside down."

Who are you?

Have you ever thought about who you are? I mean really, really thought deeply about who you are? Well I have. One thing I realize is that my character is a collection of beliefs, assumptions, norms, actions, ways, means, habits, foibles, follies, fantasies, frustrations, morals, ethics, behaviors and any number of other hangups, hopes, dreams, and desires. I am a husband, father, son, brother, historian, philosopher, thinker, believer, friend, helper, judge, entertainer, worker, creator, questioner and myriads of other hats that I wear (real or imagined).

However, I also realize that these things are me not because of only me but because of others as well. Who I am (and who you are) is a product of how others have shaped, molded, driven, guided and pushed me. It is also how I reacted or accepted or rejected the influence of others. But a huge part of who I am exists because of people in my life, those I encounter, and even those to whom I read or watch or listen. It is why this on again, off again online journal (and the several others I keep offline) is devoted to and about the wisdom, knowledge, information and data of others. We not learn from others, but we are what others have made us.

A thought that has nagged at me lately is how stuck in the past we all can become and how we can all live our lives based on outdated and outmoded assumptions. This sounds odd from someone who LOVES all things history. What I mean is that I continue to encounter people who not only enjoy the past, but they live in it. They will not see the past for what it should be: lessons for the present and future. I encounter this a lot in my work and among business people. Those who continue to believe that we must continue to see the world and operate as if it were 1776.

So have you ever questioned yourself? Why you think and act and believe the way that you do? Is it because of you or because you have learned from someone else? Do accept everything everyone tells you because they tell it to you? Or do you think about, mull it over, ponder it? Does it fit both with who you are and who you want to be?

I find myself caught in a trap at times. I want to BE something, but I only play at it. I strive not just to play at a role, but to BE that role. It is hard and I make mistakes (as we all do). As a result I think we all need to try to follow a simple process more faithfully:

THINK--BE--DO

It bothers me that there is still so much desire for wealth, power and control in the world. So much fear, anger, hatred and injustice. Yes, I am only one person. But if I make an effort to change the world, and so does everyone else individually, then the total becomes greater than the sum of the parts. If we want a better world for us and future generations, then we must make it better and not just hope or assume that the "thinking that got us into this mess is the same thinking that will get us out of it"--Albert Einstein.

Having it All vs. Quality of Life

Bonjour!

Having recently returned from a business trip to Montreal in the province of Quebec, Canada I began to experience and realize again some things that I had known since I lived in Europe during Middle School and High School.

I began to recognize again that there is a vast difference between focusing on Having it All and focusing on Quality of Life. I was not gone long. Just about four days total. But it does not take a long time to recognize that sometimes other people have it right.

Upon arrival back in the US it had hit me like a brick. People in this country seem to be mostly about "Having it All" while those in other places seem more about "Quality of Life". Let me take you on a bit of my journey of discovery. Be patient, I will make a point eventually. Anyway I need a bit of catharsis.

The journey began with an extremely early morning flight. I was very tired as I traveled out of the country for the first time in about ten years. (I had gone to Montreal for a conference in 2004). Flights were on time and the rides were smooth, but I could not seem to get rested. I was anxious and excited. I love seeing other places and traveling. (This is part of why I love what I do). It was generally a cold and dreary morning though.

I arrived at Trudeau Airport in Montreal, having watched as we flew in over the island in the St Laurence Seaway. There was snow on the rooftops. Not helping my mood. I made y way to customs and that is where my experience that this trip would be different really began. I gave my passport and customs form to the gal. She then proceeded to give me the third degree about needing a work permit for my training. I panicked slightly. Did I need a work permit? Could I not enter Canada? Would I end up like Tom Hanks in that movie where he has to live in an airport, stuck between countries? I was tired and that did not help. I had given the young lady the honest answer--I was there to do training. I was not there to steal jobs or cause a conflict between the US and Canada over economics. My client is an American company that just happens to have an office in Montreal that needs ITIL training.

I convinced her I did not need a work permit (even though she did not seem thoroughly convinced). I went and exchanged some money (and got less than I anticipated due to fees and the weak US dollar). I was now in French speaking Canada. I got a taxi and went to my hotel downtown. On the way out of the airport I saw a sign for "Avenue Cardinal". Now that was encouraging. My mood brightened slightly.

Now the Hotel St Paul is a nice hotel--if you like a hotel that was designed by Ikea and played the eighties post-modern jazz fusion group Engima incessantly. This kind of hotel is not my thing. It is trendy, and chic and hip and fashionable--and made for Europeans and twenty-somethings-of which I am neither. I checked in, got my room key and head behind the curtains where the elevators were located. Up to floor seven. The doors opened and stepped into a dimly lit hallway with stark walls and no markings that I could see (I later saw on the wall near the floor). I looked around. The doors to the rooms each had a dim red light over the entrance for ambiance and mood (my mood was tired and irritated so this was not helping). An employee helped me find my room. I entered and put the key in the box to activate the lights (again a fancy European thing). My room looked as if it had fallen out of a Paris art gallery. Everything was white and black and chrome and glass. I felt very out of sorts. I was once again tired, hungry and just feeling very discombobulated.

One of my goals in arriving early was to explore the Old City of Montreal. The Cardinal family originates form the city (we were actually some of the earliest settlers) Our name derives from the French version "Cardinault". So I pulled out my map and headed out. I first went to find my client's location since I would have to walk there each day (no rental car). It was cold and windy and a few snow flakes were falling. I found the client's locale and headed towards the history museum.

As I walked my mood headed downwards. The city was basically a ghost town. Few people or vehicles moved. The side streets are old and the buildings close together. I was feeling a bit claustrophobic, which does not effect me most of the time. Not much was open. I was not sure about going into any of the open bistros or shops, because my French is very limited. I was worn down and hungry. It was all feeling so foreign to me.

I had lived in Europe for about 4 years with my Dad, stepmother and sisters when I was a teen. I was a savvy American traveler. But that was over 25 years ago. Right now I was just very out of sorts. I went through the museum (which was quite nice, but did not have enough early history, which is what I sought). I then returned to the hotel. I went into the restaurant and the people seemed to not see me. I finally inquired about dinner and was told it would not be served until 6pm. It was only 3pm. Too tired and cold to go back outside, so I went and took a nap. I came back down at 6pm and was the only one there for dinner. Not unusual since Europeans and trendy people eat dinner late. But I was hungry. I ate a fancy meal of veal medallions. This put me even more out of sorts. I needed comfort food right now, not foo-foo food. But my world was closing in so I went back to my room.

I called Denise. Later she told me she could tell I was out of sorts. I was lonely and tired and not satisfied and even a bit scared and panicky. These are definitely NOT usual for me.

Let's skip ahead. I progressed through the week and became more and more comfortable. I began to use my limited french. I found some recommended eateries and walk through the very old city with more ease and comfort. I was beginning to fit in and settle down. Memories of living in London all those years ago came back. I was once again in my element.

I began to notice the relaxed nature of the people and the town. The politeness of the Canadians and the unhurried existence they lived. I would tell my learners to take ten minutes for a break and they would come back after 15 or 20. This was Montreal-time. No hurry, no worries, just "Quality of Life".

Through my conversations with people in class, watching Quebec-ized version of Cash Cab ("Taxi en Payant") and Deal or No Deal ("Le Bankeur"), looking at signs and newspapers and menus, I began to sense a very different attitude and pace of life. Somehow even though they had transformed American shows to French and had American things and commercialism, it did not seem to fit. It was the wrong speed for a place that is older than anywhere in the US (the French settled New France-Canada- before the British created the Colonies). Those things were fake. They were "stuff", not "quality".

I watched the American election results with dismay (yes, I really am an unapologetic Democrat). But what I really began to notice was the ferocity and killer nature of American politics and life in general. This really hit me on my way back home. I got to the airport and then had my hands swabbed by security, my bag swabbed, my bag completely searched and a small pair of scissors seized. I had carried these in the US for three years and made it to Canada with them. But they could not come back. I again got the third degree through customs (which is SO different than it was 25+ years ago). America has walled itself off from some very valuable insights to be gained from other people and places.

When I arrived in Detroit my first impression was the frenetic and frantic pace of everything and everyone. I went Wendy's for some food. The clerks were shouting and moving like ants during a rain storm. Scurry, move, quick, don't stop, go go go, and on and on. My head spun. I was glad to be going back home. But I also now longed for the slower pace and ease that I had adjusted to in Montreal. Sitting eating my burger and salad it came to me.

America is all about "Having it All" and "Having it Now". Having lived for a better portion of my life with a women who has taught me the value of focusing on comfort and quality, I was quite disappointed in my native land and brethren in citizenship. What do we gain by focusing on things and time? Nothing but stress and anxiety and worry. I had brought those things with me to Montreal, but had jettisoned them.

Even though I knew I could never be truly comfortable in the trendy, chic, fancy hotel I was in, somehow Montreal felt more like the kind of home my soul wants and needs. A place of endless time, long history and a view into the far future. Not a place of "gimme, gimme, gimme" or "mine, mine, mine".

So what is your focus? "Having it ALL, NOW" or "Quality of Life"? I think every American needs to spend time outside the US to appreciate what we lose by being in such a race to have "freedoms". Do these freedoms really bring a better quality of life, or just more stuff? We can be free without having to lose our selves in the process.

I think we can learn huge lessons from our polite, civilized neighbors to the north or overseas. Take a moment in our own lives to examine the pace at which we proceed. Stop to smell the proverbial roses. It will be a lonely, scary and challenging journey at first (as I saw in Montreal). But in the end it will do you a world of good.