People are not broken; Do not try to fix them

It was 4 am. I was wide awake this morning. My wife had just come to bed. She has a much different sleeping routine than I, due to years working late nights. Soon she was sound asleep. But I was wide awake. Why? Because of some events and conversations I have recently had that were just eating away at my psyche and core being. These conversations had led me to keep mulling over in my mind a piece of wisdom that I have promoted during training and among friends for several years now:

"People are not broken; do not try to fix them"

This idea comes from the works of Marcus Buckingham. He wrote a number of insightful books including my favorite called First Break All The Rules. The works talk about how we have traditionally focused on people's skills (learned capabilities) rather than their inherent talents (innate capabilities). Because we focus on skills we miss the boat as it were. When someone fails to accomplish something we want them to accomplish we assume they are broken and try to fix them (which Buckingham reinforces through research is just not true). What both Buckingham and others (including W. Edwards Deming--the father of quality management) show is that it is the system that is broken not the person. If a person fails at a task it is because the task has not been identified correctly or a person's talents do not align to the task or most often the process for doing the task is poorly designed. So it is not people who are broken, rather the system of managing, leading and governing people that is broken. We need to fix the system, not the people.

I have been feeling this pressure put on me lately, especially at work. A lot of it comes down to trust. Do you trust those around you? Those you work with? Those you work for? Those who work for you? I had a boss in a previous life who kept telling me "Trust but verify". If you need to verify do you really, truly trust? Or do you play at trusting and do not believe that people are capable of extraordinary things? I try to trust those I encounter until they show me they cannot be trusted. Does this come with risk? Yes, but life is one BIG risk. If you live in fear and paranoia all the time you are not living a full and complete life. You are hampering yourself from growth, learning, experience and self-actualization (as Abraham Maslow called it in his famous Hierarchy of Needs).

The great people of history have things in common. One of them is that they recognized that avoiding risk would get them nowhere. Another element is trust. They trusted people, events and higher powers to see them through to their desired ends. Third they lived out the belief that "people are not broken; we do not need to fix them. The situation or condition is broken; We need to fix that instead."

I hope my own situation will resolve itself to a good end. I trust that it will.

Profit alone is a stupid goal

Profit alone is a stupid goal

An interesting article that reflects some of my own thinking of late.

Philosophy of Help

It has been about a year since I posted to this online journal. It was not really intended to be a perfectly ongoing thing. Only a way to capture thoughts and share them with others when appropriate. Life has been busy (which is both good and bad) so some things do not get done, even when we want to do them.

I have been capturing thoughts in my written journal as we attend church and at others times. I have even encountered Other People's Wisdom many times. But getting to write about it has not always been my priority or other's priorities for me or I have just not had the energy or a number of other excuses. But it has weighed on my mind. So now that I am writing this perhaps I will write more.

I have encountered a number of times over the last year that my true communal and somewhat socialist leanings (some may have even thought anti-greed) have come to light. I have always known I have these leanings, but others have begun to recognize them in me. I am not by any means ashamed or guilty or worried about wanting to achieve the best for every one through equality.

So given that I had on my heart to express how I see the world. I will call it the philosophy of help. It pretty much sums up how I see things in life and what motivates and drives me.

So here it is:

• Those who can, need to help those who cannot
• Those who may, need to help those who may not
• Those who might, need to help those who might not
• Those who shall, need to help those who shall not
• Those who should, need to help those who should not
• Those who will, need to help those who will not
• Those who have, need to help those who have not
• Those who are equal, need to help those who equal not
• Those who know, need to help those who know not
• Those that believe, need to help those who believe not

Well that is it. My way of life. If you have others please feel free to add to the list. I am sure I already try to practice it, no matter how porrly or insufficiently.

Carpe Diem

It has been a long and crazy summer. Renovations ongoing at our house, almost non stop travel and training, including a 25th anniversary vacation trip for Denise and I to Boston, a garden that has underpeformed due to weather, and even more.

I have not written anything for a while. Not that I have not wanted to but my procrastination and schedule has kept me from just sitting down and doing this. I generally do my best writing when something is bothering me or heavy on my mind. My whirlwind summer has not allowed for anything to stay long enough in my grey matter to give me impetus to blog. I have kept up on Twitter and Facebook, since these are short snippit writings.

Now I have some time at home and some sad events have given me motivation to write. I recently found out that an former school classmate passed away from cancer. This was the latest in a recent series of deaths of people I either knew or were close to people I knew. These include the horribly tragic death of fellow teacher Joe McCauley at the hands of his son. Such a tragedy. A friend's mother, my boss's neighbor who was killed by a car in Florida while crossing the street, and several others I found out about.

Those who know me would tell you I am not an emotional person. In fact my daughter tagged me in Facebook picture as "serious". How true! I am not emotional as others are. My emotions tend towards deep thinking and heavy contemplation. I did weep heavily at the loss of my own mother, but it took nearly two years to bubble to the surface. I have not cried or torn my hair or any other displays of emotion over the recent losses. But I have thought deeply about them.

When I go through my own form of grieving it brings to mind a number of deep philosophical questions and challenges. Right now my own mind and heart is wrestling with "What does the future hold for me?" This is where the title of this entry comes from.

CARPE DIEM-Latin for "Seize the day". It comes from a poem by the Latin poet Horace. He tried to express the philosophy of the Greek philosopher Epicurus--"Eat, Drink and be Merry for Tomorrow we Die".

Our lives are finite. Death is the great equalizer. We only have so long on this earth. We better make the best of it. Carpe Diem-Seize the Day. Drain every ounce of life out of today because you do not know when it will be over. You know, Dead Poet's Society and all that!

Ironic that we recently attended a church where the series was "One Month To Live". What would you do if you only had one month to live? Think about it. Would you Carpe Diem? Would you live life to the fullest?

I cannot say I have been great at it, but I have certainly turned my efforts around to live life to the fullest. I try my best to focus on my family and my God and my friends. I try not to focus on my stuff or my tangibles, rather on my intangibles. I hope that all of us do this more and more as we get older.

Did not mean for this to be a downer. These things have been on my mind and the events of the summer have made them more prevalent. So make time for those you love and even for those you hate. Your life will be more complete as a result.

"Don't appreciate the things I do, appreciate me for the person I am"

This quote from our friend Darcie struck a real chord with me this week. You may have recognized that we have been struggling with our place in the Church that we helped to launch just over two years ago. So, I made the decision earlier in the week that it is time that our family leaves Lifepointe Church. No need to worry about us, we will go on to seek other pastures (not necessarily 'greener').

The issues that caused me to make this decision have been building for a while. You might say that Lifepointe Church is in its terrible twos and experiencing growing pains. It finally came to a head for me on Sunday at a "leadership" meeting. Many of the people who have volunteered and given more time and money and energy to see Lifepointe succeed felt that they were equal partners in the effort. It was made clear to us that is not the case. I was angered by the implication that I existed at Lifepointe only to serve the Pastor. (Apparently the three people who made this implication thought I went "postal" over this point. Angry yes, postal no!)

As my wife and I spoke with others about the decision to leave (some of whom had already left out of frustration and disappointment), Darcie spoke about how she experienced something similar before. A Pastor at another Church had approached her and stated that he appreciated what she did for the Church. Darcie told the Pastor that she "did not want him to appreciate the things she did, she wanted him to appreciate her...". Thus the title of this entry. Too often as volunteers and followers we are seen as "employees" and not "partners" or "community members". This was particularly evident this week for me.

I think that this has been a common thread throughout our time at Lifepointe. Many, including me, felt that going to Church on Sunday was a 'job'. I really have not gotten anything new or challenging or enlightening out of the sermons in two years. I accepted Christ because I had a "God shaped hole in my life" (as Pastor Roger Pryor of Heartland Community Church puts it). I needed and still need the bigger picture understanding of my existence. Will Christianity provide all of that for me? No, but it will for many. I am a much more complicated and deep person that needs to meld his solutions for life from many sources.

I think there is often a vast disconnect and misunderstanding between people as to what each of us needs or wants out of life. The easy path is to assume (and you know what happens when you do that--ass-u-me) that we all want or need the same things. I think marketers and businesses make this mistake all the time. They assume we are some mass of consumers who will eat up whatever they shove down our throats simply because they provided it to us. They are guilty of another piece of wisdom--"Tell me want you want and I will tell you what you need". This is what I felt like at Lifepointe Church. That I was being force fed concepts and ideas that were making me (and others) gag and choke.

The reality for me is that I do not like to be force fed. I am an intelligent person who thinks deeply and critically about things before accepting them. It is why it took me so long to go back to church in the first place. I began to see Church as a place to start getting answers to questions I had about how to make things better or my family. As I attended I also got answers to questions I had about how to put my own soul and personality at peace.

But the answers did not all come from the Bible or the sermons. As much or more came from the people I encountered (especially in the Men's group and the Couple's group to which we belonged). These were people who "appreciated me for the person I am", not just for the fact that I volunteered and served in the Church. Or because I had memorized chapter and verse from scripture. We met and made friends with lots of people at Lifepointe that also filled that role. They appreciated me for the person I am and as a friend. But in the end as a person who served and volunteered I did not I feel that same level of appreciation and commraderie.

I think we all need to look beyond what each of us can do, what we can contribute, what we can give or donate. We need to look at each other as "people" who have wants and needs and desires and dreams that we want to fulfill. And each of those things are going to be unique to each of us no matter how much someone thinks that one way of doing things will fulfill all needs and desires.

I wish those who are staying at Lifepointe the best of luck in their endeavor. I will go on as I always have and the time spent at Lifepointe will be a part of my being and character. However, for now my soul is wrent and hurting and only time will heal this wound.

“Leaders are people who do the right thing; managers are people who do things right.”

This is a good quote. And it got me thinking about the role of leadership versus the role of management. I had a bit of an epiphany when I equated in my mind these things:

• Leadership=accountability=ownership=the throat to choke
• Management=responsibility=doing=get 'er done

I like to tell people that they call them "managers" because they just manage to get by...Leaders should the first out of the trench and the last on back into to the next trench. They MUST lead by example. Their followers have elevated them to the status of leaders exactly because they seek an example to follow. You cannot appoint someone to be a leader:

"The person at the head of the room is not always the leader; it is the
person that everyone turns to when they begin to speak..."--Charles Schwab

If I am going to follow someone I want them to be a leader. I am smart enough and experienced enough and can think on my feet enough to manage myself. But sometimes I just want an example (a mentor) to follow. Someone who can take me to new heights and new challenges. I know the skills to climb the mountain. But I do not always know the best route to follow. That is where a leader comes in.

Managers can take you to the top of the mountain; leaders will get you safely back down the other side...

Love your neighbor as you love yourself

Recently I have been reading a book called "Disciple" by Juan Carlos Ortiz (thanks to my friend Matt Stambaugh for the loan). I have not finished it but felt compelled to at least throw some thoughts out on the blog since I have not written in a while.


One of the main points is about the Biblical statement: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself". This particularly hit me since Dee and I are struggling with our current spiritual situation. This quote seems innocuous enough. Love other people as you love yourself. But what does that really mean? As I read the book more light bulbs lit and epiphanies happened. Some of what Ortiz talks about in the book is that the core of Christianity (and all religions for that matter) is "love". When we treat each other with respect and put others before ourselves than we can achieve happiness.


For some that might mean eternal life in heaven, for others Nirvana and oneness with the universe, for others inner peace and joy, for others the conquering of inner and outer demons, trials and tribulations. For me, having studied and taught many philosophies and religions these points all come from the same place. It's not about us. It's about something bigger than us. Call that God, Allah, Brahman, Grand Unified Theory or any of the other million names of the power of the universe; it does not really matter in the end. What matters is that we stop looking at ourselves and start seeing the world around us. It is a beautiful place even with the ugliness, evil, darkness, etc. I explain to my students that you cannot have good without the presence of evil, beauty without ugliness, light without darkness. The opposite of good is not 'evil', it is 'not good'. The opposite of 'light' is not 'dark' it is 'not light'. Light and dark are 'complementary' not opposite. They are two parts of a greater whole ("love" or "balance").


The Chinese have explained these things through the concept of Yin and Yang. These two form a dichotomy; two halves of a greater whole. They serve as balance to each other. Sometimes Yin (female, cold, dark) is greater than Yang ( male, hot, light). Sometimes the other way. But one cannot exist without the other and they form a continuous example of balance. So while reading the Ortiz book I made the connection again that 'love' as described in the Bible, 'submission' in Islam, the Middle Path in Buddhism, Yin-Yang in Taoism all represent a goal we should all seek--balance.


Unfortunately I do not always see people seeking to exhibit 'love' or 'balance'. Too often I see people in the extremes. Too hot; too cold; too light; too dark; too me; too you...Not enough "us" as a whole. This is where I am at in my spiritual and philosophical journey. I am being pulled back to the center point of balance. I see people around me wanting to make things about them and not about the greater balance of the universe and life.


I told my wife last night as the celebration of our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary came to a close that of all people I see her as one of the greatest examples of balance I know. For my companion of all these years it is not about her...it is about everyone else. She is a true servant.


That is another point in the "Disciple" book. If we are to achieve "love" or "balance" as I always think of it, we must stop living in the extreme of our own desires and wants and give freely to others so that we can maintain the proper balance of the universe.


One fact about the great philosophers and spiritual leaders of history is that they were all "Servants" to a greater whole. Can we truly emulate them and be "servants" as well?